he was a gator boy
she said catch you later boy
she was with animal control
My insomnia is getting worse. I was wide awake all day at work yesterday.
You Might Also Like
I use proper syntax and punctuation on all of my tweets, unless I am in danger of exceeding the 140 character limit…
& then u no how it b
Bored? Sneak a dog into the movies and loudly explain the plot to the dog
“THIS IS THE POLICE. WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED. ARE U ALONE?”
-YEAH, I GUESS I NEVER MET THE RIGHT GIRL, BAD TIMING MOSTLY. ALSO WORK IS HECTIC
*getting turned away at airport security*
But these are my emotional support bees
me [after hitting a long shot]: FORE
her: are you serious this is mini golf
me [apologetically]: ????
My dealer said he’ll be here in 20 minutes with the best popcorn ever. We’re gonna watch a movie!
You didn’t question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I’ve got a knife to your throat you’re all “why, why?”
wife: are you wearing my clothes?!?
me: ok I know this looks bad
me: it needs a belt right?
No, I’m not flirting with you, I want your cheddar bay biscuits.