You hear about people running amok but what about people doing other things amok? I often eat chocolate amok and you don’t hear about that.
My jeans say “no more Christmas goodies” but my leggings are like “we got you, gurrrl”
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Gonna see my therapist tomorrow, want anything?
old man watching me duck to get off a bus in tokyo laughed and said ‘you are too tall for this you are like a big carrot’
guess i’m a roast carrot now
[skydiving with my dog]
Me: ur ears r inside out
My dog: can’t hear u my ears r inside out
Me: it’s the wind
My dog: I think it’s the wind
Holy crap! This guy in the car next to me is absolutely losing his shit over “My Heart Will Go On”…said the guy in the car next to me
Me: I wanna chew the gum
Willy Wonka: No! You’ll turn into a blueberry
M: I’m doing it
I want to be the person in every McDonald’s whose job is to sit on the sandwiches just before they go into the bag.
Material possessions mean nothing to me.
I don’t think I can make it through this week.
NFL catch rules are absurd. “Even though it looked like he caught it, he hadn’t accepted the ball into his heart. Therefore, incomplete.”
decorating my apartment