@delusions_of: My karate skills are instinctual. Like if you wake me from a nap I kick you.
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@TomTheWicked: Daughter: why does that guy with the whistle keep interrupting the football game? Me: because mommy isn't there to do it.
@AnnoGalactic: Fly me to the ouch Let me play among the ouch Let me see what ouch is ouch On ouch ouch ouch ouch ouch. - Frank Piñata
@Juicedballs: My wife dared me to yell out "HURRY UP HAYDEN" at Disney World. Now we have 27 blonde boys & 8 girls following us like Children of the Corn.
@KeetPotato: "if you could be any animal what would you be" a cat "why a cat" [imagines being a complete shithead for literally no reason] naps and stuff