@MarioInAZ: My kids are young, so when they listen to old school music they think its new. They are currently listening to a hot new band called Queen.
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@mjkspeaks: [job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.
@LADaddy: There's an alternate universe where we are together and finally happy. And I probably forgot to take out the trash there, too.
@jwoodham: "How dare you accuse us of cheating?" said the Patriots, struggling to get a jersey on the giant robot tiger that Katy Perry rode in on.
@drewjanda: Inventor of raisins: "What do you like about grapes" me: the juice part, the freshness Inventor: right but what if they had neither