@iinkedZombie: My kids have eaten one bite out of everything in our refrigerator today.
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@BMcCarthy32: if one member of the motorcycle gang has to pee do they all stop or does he just have to catch back up?
@UncleDuke1969: "Dad, is that a bear outside the tent?" "No." "OK." "Hold still." "What're you putting on me?" "Sunscreen." "It smells like ketchup." "Shhh"
@XplodingUnicorn: We have a house full of chairs and couches, yet my 3-year-old chose to sit on a grocery bag full of bread. You can't explain children. You just survive them.
@BlindChow: [performance review] boss: from now on you're getting supervision me: yes!! boss: wait, that doesn't mean– me: *already smashing my glasses*