@iinkedZombie: My kids have eaten one bite out of everything in our refrigerator today.
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@EndhooS: [morgue] mum: [crying over my bullet ridden body] how did this happen cop: the robber yelled "everyone be cool" so he tried to do a kickflip
@ItsAndyRyan: Darth Vader: *kazoo noise* Moff Tarkin: Someone put a kazoo in your face mask again while you were sleeping? Darth Vader: *sad kazoo noise*
@decentbirthday: Bowser: Honey, the toilet's clogged Wife: Call someone to fix it Bowser: *dialing number* Well this is gonna be awkward