Greatest headline of the day:
My kids use all the toilet paper, dictate when I sleep and eat, and destroy everything I own. My house is its own little communist country.
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RIP cat who thought sunglasses would stop Medusa
I’m an okay dancer until I whip out the finger guns, then I’m just majestic.
~The Discovery of Fruit~
Ok, so far you’ve named the red one apple and the yellow one banana. What about the orange one?
Me after learning something literally 5 min ago:
Everybody else who doesn’t know this thing is an idiot
Chewing sugarless gum instead of brushing your teeth is the dry shampoo of dental care
Stop putting jumpsuits in with the dresses! I don’t want to take off all my clothes to pee!!!
Desire to not get beat up > Desire to wear a cloak
WHO SAID “YOU GOTTA KEEP EM SEPARATED”
A) Gov. George Wallace
B) The Offspring
C) My mom teaching me to do laundry
D) All of the above