Uh oh I planned two dates today thinking one of them would cancel and now I have to come up with a lie and quick
My late grandpa may not have had much as a simple circus clown, but he sure left some big shoes to Phil
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it takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong but it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut
UNBLOCK ME YOU COWARD
If u luv sumthin set it free
*releases 2yr old into the wild*
Good luck son
STOP FOLLOWING ME! GO ON,GET OUT OF HERE
CW: Can you hold this Snickers?
CW: Are you holding it in your mouth?
me: dinosaurs can’t jump
her: how do u know
me: they’re dead Linda
The Person Who Discovered Sharks
I’m responsible for 84% of all cat videos currently available on YouTube.
I’m going to run errands, need anything?
“Yes, some new light bulbs”
Why, our current bulbs are too heavy?
“And a good divorce lawyer”
A fun game is to put on an orange vest and direct traffic.