My latest invention, spinal mascara, is creating a big backlash

You Might Also Like


grandma what big eyes u have
The better to see u with my dear
What big ears u have
Well thats kinda rude
What big teeth u have
Ur grounded


I’m always a little suspicious of women who say that they don’t “remember things”


Are your clothes meant to scream out “help” when you squeeze yourself into them?


*calls sister while babysitting for her*
“the younger one says you guys don’t own a snake. this true?” [kid in background] ITS LOOKING AT ME


I like how we say “vegan” now instead of “eating disorder”.


(in a rowboat with 6 starving people)
“I think you mean “WHOM should we eat first”


It’s not burnt.
It’s carmalized!

Me every time I burn something.


I thought twerking was tweeting at work

That’s how out of the loop I am


Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.