I often worry about the safety of my children … Especially the one who is still awake at midnight and talking back right now.
My life has been so screwed up when there was supposed to be a fork in the road I found a spoon.
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Can we just call it Zealand now? How long has it been? Move on people
In honour ouf Canada Day, I’m incourpourating unnecessary ‘u’s intou my wourds.
It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your facebook page.
Interviewer: have you ever made, eaten or even seen a sandwich?
Interviewer: you’re hired welcome to Subway
Its ridiculous that Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his anger issues and not for his amazing & realistic paintings of fake tunnels.
[at the vet with my cat]
me: i know, that’s why i brought you here
Operator: “9-1-1 please hold…”
Me: “Ok. Hey, stop stabbing me for a second.”
dogs are toddlers
cats are teenagers
Lesbians should not be allowed to buy dildos, they made their choice!!