@El_nacho_Nigre: My life would be so much better if I could use a smokebomb to conceal my escape after being turned down by a girl.
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@laabruzzi: *bumpes into my ex on the street *dials a number Hello, Satan? Dude I thought we had an agreement?!
@Marlebean: "Cute shoes! What material is that? Can I feel them?" - I say, reaching under the bathroom stall
@Parentpains: Surround yourself with people that can't handle their alcohol, so you can drink theirs after they pass out.
@Woody_B_: HER: *spitting out food* This is GROSS! What did you put in this? ME: Old Spice. Just like you said to. HER: I said ALL spice, you idiot!