My little brother tried his first edible and is currently writing the worst statuses ever

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Ok I’ll come clean. When people say “asking for a friend,” they’re talking about me. I’m the friend. I have a lot of embarrassing questions.


At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table


Does anyone on here know how to “unhook” Amazon from my Twitter so that I can order things without giving people the idea I am Really bald??


“I’d like you to meet my half sister.”

“Different fathers?”

“Shark attack.”


There is so much going on here.

The name, the crimes, the mugshot.


Wow she actually noticed me!

Time to pick a different tree.


I’ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn’t just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.


[first date]

Date: I’m really big into astrology, I’m a Scorpio

Me: *trying to impress* I’m a tarantula