@jacaristar

My little brother tried his first edible and is currently writing the worst statuses ever

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@ArielDumas

Ok I’ll come clean. When people say “asking for a friend,” they’re talking about me. I’m the friend. I have a lot of embarrassing questions.

@Hadzilla

At the last supper Jesus was probably like it would be way more comfortable for everyone if some of you sat on the other side of the table

@BobScottCPA

Does anyone on here know how to “unhook” Amazon from my Twitter so that I can order things without giving people the idea I am Really bald??

@Shimmersteak

“I’d like you to meet my half sister.”

“Different fathers?”

“Shark attack.”

@kidd_kong78

There is so much going on here.

The name, the crimes, the mugshot.

@Junk_Boat

Wow she actually noticed me!

Time to pick a different tree.

@Cheeseboy22

I’ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn’t just put the dots in shape of the actual letters.

@DaddyJew

[first date]

Date: I’m really big into astrology, I’m a Scorpio

Me: *trying to impress* I’m a tarantula