15: ‘I think the Wi-Fi is out again.’
Me: ‘Hey – what a great opportunity to go outside and enjoy some fresh-‘
15: ‘It’s back.’
Me: ‘Good talk.’
My love for my kids is like my data plan:
Technically unlimited, but it might get dialed back behind the scenes if they really push it.
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Why tf bills never go on sale ? Can i get a buy one get one month free or something? Damn
I know karate and tons of other words.
[Later, Snake sees a Lizard]
Snake (to God): DUDE! Seriously??
*God and Lizard high-five, adding insult to injury*
*wakes at 3am*
*sits in dark*
*jingles chains & scratches walls*
*waits for everyone to be so creeped out they can’t sleep & we open gifts*
Husband: Can these gel packs go in the microwave?
*gel pack explodes*
Me: Why would you listen to me? I can’t put my pants on without falling over.
You know who else has a naughty list?
Congrats on your new baby. I remember a night where you drank a fifth of Jim Beam and crapped yourself. Glad you’re raising a child now.
Everything brightened up when you came into our presence.
– Food in my refrigerator.
[wife yelling in waterpark]
“BRENT SOMEONE IS STEALING THE CAR”
[top of huge slide] K IM STILL GONNA TAKE THE SLIDE DOWN CUZ IT’ll BE FASTER