@thenatewolf

My love is like the sea, the deeper it gets the weirder it gets.

You Might Also Like

@girl_a_whirl

Giving birth?
Passing a gallstone?
Monica Seles tennis match?

Possible scenarios from sounds emitted from chic on elliptical next to me

@Cheeseboy22

I think the reason giraffes don’t ride in hot air balloons is that their faces would probably get fried off in that flame thing.

@litfirebird

A woman at my gym has a jellyfish tattoo on her arm.

So I peed on her

@iMonkGreen

Question of the day :

If the early bird gets the worm, why do good things come to those who wait?

@MariyaAlexander

Whenever people say they’re willing to do “whatever it takes” to “make it in Hollywood” they never mean “patiently work on their craft”.

@darinlovesbacon

Some woman at my office just said Star Trek when we were all talking about Star Wars and now our IT guy is refusing to fix her computer.

@david8hughes

[leans against bus stop as bus approaches & winks at girl waiting]
I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to.

@withanewname

“Doc, it’s embarrassing, but I don’t feel sexy.”

“Try wearing the wife’s panties.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, the red ones with the lace are nice”

@ilovepie84

” So the boat was about to sink until I attached a sail to my boner and made it safely to shore”

Me if I was on the Titanic.