Y’all know you can literally buy a turkey any time of the year right? Because I’m starting to think some of you don’t.
My mom: Easter is at noon on Sunday.
Me: I’m not religious but I’m pretty sure Easter is all day.
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Why are they called library fines and not hush money?
JUDGE: Has the jury reached the verdict?
T-REX JURY: Um, we’re unable reach anything Your Honor
Beth on Facebook “Can’t believe its Monday again already”… if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
Mr. & Mrs. Darling were unreasonably upset about Peter Pan taking Wendy considering they went out leaving a dog in a hat in charge.
can u believe that 6 months ago we just let random people breathe on us
If there’s a hardship greater than putting cheese on a cracker and having it break before it gets into your mouth I’ve not heard of it.
I studied abroad for a year. But she got really creeped out and moved away.
Day 1: I love the way your nose wrinkles when you’re happy.
Day 6: do you notice when you crack your toes like that?
Day 13: IT’S CALLED EATING NOT COMPETITIVE JAW CLICKING STFU WITH YOUR FACE NOISES
I don’t wish my ex-husband ill. I just hope he can’t ever find a parking spot and that his food is never quite the right temperature.