LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD: grandma what big eyes you have
WOLF: u really think I look like ur grandma? I should eat u just for that u dumb shit
My mom sometimes texts me pictures of Buddha with an inspirational text like:
“Be kind to others, Evil Lisa”
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I suggest now is the time to send ISIS some *very* strongly worded emails – then hit them with the biggest petition they’ve ever seen.
Wile Coyote was the original online shopper and helped advance modern logistics and distribution.
(A world where everyone is named Bethany)
Bethany: what should we name our child?
Canada has seasons:
Almost winter, winter, still winter, and construction.
Thanks, meeting venue that turns off the AC in the restrooms–I love emerging from taking a dump looking like I just ran a marathon!
HR: Did you tell Brenda she was stupid?
Me: Oh god no! I said she is stupid.
Me: There’s no past tense with that one.
8:00 am – Packs Lunch
9:00 am – Arrives at work
9:04 am – Eats Lunch
You can’t give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I’m a model doing a photo shoot. It’s science.
What do you mean my cats can’t be dependents on my taxes?!
I feed them, clothe them, & care for them!
CPA: You clothe them?
Shut it hater.