@MelvinofYork: My mom used to say "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" and I'd be like "I've already got something, but thanks"
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@david8hughes: [pinned down by sniper fire] Squad leader: I'm going in. Hughes, lay down some cover for me Me [putting a blanket on the floor]: you betcha
@slimmy_shady: Therapist: When you look in the mirror, what do you see?Me: I see myself you friggin idiot. Let me see your degree