@StayAwayy_

My mom voice was so loud even my neighbors washed their hands & cleaned their rooms😒😒

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@SufficientCharm

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HEYYYY MACARENA

@molly7anne

dudes be like “oh you “love” this band? name 72 of their songs” pump the brakes Tyler, you can’t name your child’s pediatrician

@ilovepie84

Fool me once shame on you, fool me 237 times you must be the wrong Tupperware lid

@psybermonkey

Friend: you’ve been acting weird ever since you won that hundred dollars

Me: what ever do you mean, old sport?

@t0shiba

Sometimes I type a ‘C’ when I meant to type an ‘A’. And now I have to apologize to my ‘Aunt’

@berniethoughts

WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?

@imdaintyaf

I’m sorry I punched you in the face when you said “I love you”. Intimacy scares me. And you said it to my sister.

@SunshineJarboly

not a day goes by that i don’t think about dying and then accidentally getting sent to squirrel heaven