He had the strength of ten men and the confidence of twelve morons.
My ‘Mom Voice’ was so loud even the neighbors washed their hands and cleaned their rooms.
You Might Also Like
My mother was, let’s just say, not perfect. She’d routinely leave my little sister and I in the van for hours while she gambled. And even though we were patched-in to the casino security cameras and feeding her info through an earpiece, she still managed to blow hand after hand.
“Sir, do you have any dietary restrictions?”
If I was a marriage counselor I would just make the couple look at a dating website for 20 minutes.
the devil has a tape recorder containing the sounds you made when you sang aloud with a group but didn’t actually know the words
Artist: I wonder why my back hurts all the time
Artist while drawing:
Apparently, “No kidding!” isn’t a good response when your boss says he’s confused.
My sister thinks macadamia nuts is an STD.
school sucks 2/10 stars would not recommend
i for one absolutely hate and can’t stand it when the crab next to me in this bucket full of crabs (i too am a crab) climbs over me when i am trying to in fact climb over THEM