This is what happens when an AP style journalist marries an English major and the English major edits the wedding website copy
My mom would probably complain in my funeral about how somebody’s son died better
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*young people decide to avoid hard drugs and lead healthier lifestyles*
BUSINESS INSIDER HEADLINE: millenials are killing the meth industry
My wife just sent me a text ” I just bought you the best Christmas present! xox :)” …..I hope she misspelled Xbox
Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we’re camping. With an angry bear close by.
Me: hello, police? I think I’m living with a murderer! Last night, she came home with a body… Crap! She just came in.
Just another day on Facebook…
We want something that young children can use to play and learn with, but we also need to be able to outline dead bodies.
If you see a dentist get shot and hes bleeding out, just casually mention how he needs to floss more so he doesnt bleed out like that
I’m spending my adult life behind bars, or as my spouse likes to call it, married
Daughter: Mom! I’m bringing Carl home to meet you guys this weekend
Me: I should warn you, we’re going to be nude this weekend
Me: Yes, Friday to Sunday with no clothes
Me: We want to be naked
Her: Why can’t you just admit you don’t like him
Me: So naked