@nvd197: My morning exercise routine includes snooze presses. I like to get in at least 5 reps.
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@StatusInBeirut: In the future: "So Zionists tried to take a people's home and said god gave it to them." "So what happened?" "Apparently god disagreed."
@Jake_Vig: HER: We need to talk. ME: No one actually NEEDS to talk. HER: … ME: I assume we need to talk longer now.
@dave_cactus: ME: Well, time to make like a tree, and leaf. HER: *giggling* So, my place or... ME: *starts sprouting leaves from my fingers* HER: WHAT THE
@gojarbe: *spills water on pants* ok don't let anyone think you peed your pants "hey what happ--" MY WATER BROKE, GET ME TO THE HOSPITAL