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@CtotheASS: My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.
@just1fool: I'm gonna insert "comedian" in my bio and have my picture taken on a stage with a microphone in my hand so no one will follow me back.
@sixfootcandy: Me: Christmas is nothing but corporate greed!
Mom: Would you like some more gold leaf sugar sprinkled on your cocoa?
Me: Yes please.
@: “we need to have a podcast together” is the millennial “dude, we should totally start a band”
@KKBowls: "I dropped the ball"
- things you never wanna hear during a Vasectomy
@aneesa_p: First rule of brown girl club: Don't wear pink & white striped shirts; you'll look like Neopolitan ice cream.