My mother said that I looked “cheap” with my bra showing underneath my clothes – so I took my bra off.
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Making fun of someone’s age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you’re standing a little further down the tracks.
SO SPEAKETH THE OUIJA BOARD, “N E W N U M B E R W H O I S T H I S”
sorry the church is on fire, did i mentioned i studied abroad
Him: you’d look better if you took your glasses off
Me: no I’ve tried that and I just look blurry
College is like a Dora the Explorer episode; your professor asks a question, stares at you and then answers their own question.
Scene in Dirty Dancing where Patrick Swayze lifts her in the air, only I drop you because there is a line beginning to form at the buffet.
What i said : I really like this song
What i meant : Shut your face for the next few minutes
Barista: Latte for Waldo
Barista: Do we have a Waldo here
Barista: Where’s Waldo
Me: *proudly nudging a stranger* I did that
If you don’t charge your Fitbit, it can’t express disappointment in you.