I just need a shovel and a good alibi.
My name is Leon but some of you know me by my street name, 9th avenue.
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Foal me once, I have a baby horse. Foal me twice, no one needs this many baby horses. Foal me thrice, please stop. I have no room for them.
Even if your wife uses dual a sim phone, save both the number under one name “WIFE”.
Never save it as “Wife 1” & “Wife 2”.
Make sure to stand in the middle of group photos. It will be harder to crop you out later.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
*first day as Robin Hood
“Ok, this is a TERRIBLE business model.”
the doggo pooped out a little plastic hand so now there’s some poor Barbie running around like Luke Skywalker.
I forgot the term “kidney stones” so I called them pee pebbles.
Does laundry while drinking
*somehow washes a lampshade