@mydanimarie: MY NECK. MY BACK. MY PJ'S AND MY SNACK.
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@d_duhwit: Wife*comes home*: What's that noise? Me: U said to give Tim an anvil Wife: ADVIL! He should be in bed Me: but..he's almost finished my sword
@NewDadNotes: [shopping with my wife] Wife: why does a refrigerator need WiFi? Me: so it can Netflix and Chill : ) Wife: Me: Wife: excuse me Sir, does this have a return policy? Employee: the fridge? Wife: my husband.