@poizngrl: My need for caffeine is so bad I'm going to AA for the free coffee
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@NewDadNotes: Horse: [slides $20 across the table] I need you to take out the Unicorn. God: [pocketing money] why? Horse: because he deserves it. [later at dinner] Unicorn: well this is nice. God: [passing breadsticks] i’m told you deserve it.
@ThisOneSayz: Alright, Mr. "In good times and in bad" I just painted my finger nails and I gotta pee. Let's go.
@girl_a_whirl: Son: Mom Son: Mom Son: Mom Son: Mom OUIJA BOARD: F F S W H A T ??? Son: Have you seen my other shoe?