It’s like my cat doesn’t even appreciate it when I take the time to rake his litter box like a Zen Garden.
My neighbor can’t understand why he just found human shit on his front porch.
I can’t understand why he would use a power saw at 5:48 am.
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corona got the club empty asf me and the DJ just chillin listening to frank ocean with the strobe lights goin rn
“Luke, I am your Mother.” – Yoda
My GF called me “behind the times” today. I got so upset, I paused the VCR, paged my friends & asked them to fax me their best advice.
If I were Cinderella, I wouldn’t have settled for a guy who couldn’t even remember what my face looked like.
Eating clocks is probably the most time consuming thing you could ever do.
What if the #skywire guy starts doing Gangnam Style??
If you use yahoo search engine, A really lonely nerd in his yahoo office frantically googles your request and then posts the results
DOCTOR: I don’t know, there’s a bunch of-
ME: *eating a handful of pennies* a bunch of what
Jobs I’d be shit at:
-sober person thingy