@Zwolf666

My neighbor’s 13-month old only has four teeth. She’s way too young to being doing that much meth.

You Might Also Like

@TheHyyyype

god: make a guy who brings children presents

angel: aww that’s nice

god: have him slide through chimneys at night

angel: wait what

god: i want him to scream ho ho ho while riding a flying sled pulled by a bunch of those horned horses

angel: dude

@AverageClo

On a scale from 1 – overweight black woman, how confident are you?

@chuuew

ME: I like a girl with a bit of ink

OCTOPUS: Oh hey

@WalkingOutside

My preschooler talks a lot of trash when we play Chutes and Ladders for someone who needs help counting his spaces.

@SteveKoehler22

The pizza theorem:

“Pizzas must be circular. They must be cut
into triangles and put into square boxes”

-Science

@MommaWordsIt

My milk of magnesia brings all the boys to the yard and they’re like, you sounded younger on the phone.

@DothTheDoth

If you’re walking past an old abandoned house & the front door opens for no reason, go into that house.