@JohnLyonTweets: My neighbor’s cat got into the booth with me when I was testing my teleportation device and now there’s cat hair all over my genes.
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@stephenjmolloy: [Awards ceremony] "And winner of 'The Most Unusual Name of the Year' goes to... drum roll please..." Drumroll Please: "Thanks so much!"
@SequelsWeWant: Monsters, Inc. 3: It's harder to make kids laugh The Internet has made them jaded The monster need help They teach the kids to smoke pot
@kumailn: Mustaches are the eyebrows of the lower face lol. Now that I have your attention, climate change is a real problem whether we see it or not.