@jjhartinger: My neighbors, leaf blowing Larry and tile cutting Tim, are in the midst of a noise war, so I blasted "Let it Go" and won.
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@Michael1979: Don't know how to delete tweets so please disregard the one earlier in which I angrily accused my enemies of breaking into my house without any signs of forced entry and stealing only my favourite red t-shirt as part of an evil mind game. Just realised I was already wearing it
@daemonic3: Why you on this flight to LA? "I'm shooting a pilot for a new TV series" What's it called? "So you think you can emergency land a plane?"
@TeejayRush: Marijuana is not a gateway drug... I have never been smoking weed and thought, "I know what this needs! Meth!..."
@djdarrellripley: Me: Can my gift this year be a new secretary. Boss: I cannot legally assign you anyone until your last secretary's case goes to trial...