@Not_From_Troy: My new diet consists in killing anyone who tells me I'm fat.
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@Shen_the_Bird: [arriving in hell] me: i didn't know i'd have to wear what i died in forever satan: where did you even find denim underwear
@DothTheDoth: Practice self-care like werewolves: carry deeply emotional secrets everywhere you go & once a month eat the hearts of all who have wronged you.
@simoncholland: Apparently it is "against church policy" to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.
@InternetHippo: JESUS: I am the way, the truth, and the life ME: This guy is definitely an only child