@Not_From_Troy: My new diet consists in killing anyone who tells me I'm fat.
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@TheMichaelRock: Kids: haha you have to work and we don't have school today Me *closing the front door* I changed the wifi password. Love you guys!
@UncleDuke1969: Shot pool with my 15yo son. Taught him a valuable lesson. You can restart a video game 1000 times. You can only lose your allowance once.
@Jandalize: Sorry your team lost. Maybe you should've told the players what to do more loudly from your recliner.
@dafloydsta: [creating squirrels] GOD: How about a nice bushy tail? ANGEL: Perfect. GOD: Now give it some cocaine, lmao. ANGEL: Wtf.