I’ve seen people tear a phone book in half with their bare hands & I just had to use scissors to open a bagged salad.
my new diet is not buying things at the store that make the cashier say wow someone’s having a party
You Might Also Like
you mean to tell me Cameron Diaz dated The Mask AND Shrek? mmmk someone’s got a type
*works out for 75 mins
*eats an entire batch of cookie dough
I think my microwave’s broken. I keep pressing the pizza button and no pizza is coming out
date: I like it when guys know what they want in life
me: *megaphone right in her face* ham
[Commercial for X-Games]
Drank too much Red Bull? Want to prove it?
Commentator just said that the rain “may just be the tears of a heartbroken nation,” which shows a fundamental misunderstanding of rain.
her: i’m having trouble walking after last night
me: well i thought the mattress stair sled would be fun
me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
shark 1: i’m out
shark 2: i’m out
hammerhead shark: i’m listening