HOT SINGLES IN YOUR AREA THINK YOUR FRIEND IS REALLY CUTE
My New Year’s resolution is *removes sunglasses* 2048×1080. I’ll explain. *perches on desk* You see, the word ‘resolution’ can also refer t
You Might Also Like
“I’ve built a model of Mount Everest”
“Is that to scale?”
“No, just to look at”
Therapist: and how are you now?
Morgan Freeman: I am fine
Morgan Freeman: but Morgan Freeman was not fine
Therapist: I’m sorry what?
It’s possible to suck at everything if you put your mouth to it.
WIFE: There’s a rat in the house. Please get rid of it.
ME: Son, you shouldn’t have told on your sister. I’m afraid you gotta go.
My greatest wish is for every guy who has ever rejected me to end up with a girl who asks tons of questions during a movie.
Do you think Jesus described his hair color as light blonde or summer wheat?
wife: i’m going into labor
husband: [sets plate of nachos down] jesus christ karen i just made these
*picking up coins off the dance floor*
I knew I should have emptied my fanny pack before twerking.
Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?…No you hang up first! Hello? 911?