My nine year old stayed home with me today. The time is 11:30 am.

She has spoken more words today than I did in December.

You Might Also Like


Want guests to leave early? Don’t give them your WiFi password

You’re welcome


If i had to guess, i would guess that the number one search word on Bing is Google.


I can tell the way my kids inherited my sarcasm by the way I want to punch them in the face every time they use it.


{On Tinder}

ADAM: *Swipes right*
EVE: *Swipes left*
GOD [clears throat and presses intercom]: Eve can i have a word with you please


My daughter forgot to bring her lunch to school today. It was delicious.


Hot singles in my area have heard about me and are moving to other areas


Mistakes married women make:

1. Assuming he heard you.

2. Assuming he understood you.

3. Assuming he’ll remember.

4. Marrying a man.


Maybe she was just being paranoid, but Wendy couldn’t help feeling that she was being monitored.


I named my WiFi after my last girlfriend because it’s never fully connected with me. And also because I caught my neighbour using it.