Pretty awesome how you can buy chocolates on February 13th and everyone assumes you have a girlfriend & not a grudge w/ your neighbor’s dog.
My pants are so tight I’m legitimately afraid they won’t fit if I miss a day of shaving my legs.
You Might Also Like
“HAHA WTF LMAO OMG LOL HAHA WTF LMAO LMAO HAHA LOL OMG LMAO LOL WTF LMAO” – Birds at 6AM
how to hot dogs:
1) “read” hot dogs instructions
2) place 5 to 60 hot dogs in warm microwave or sink
3) add 1 piece of ketchup
Me: I’m not going to eat any pizza.
Me: I’m not going to eat more than 3 slices of pizza.
Me: I’m no longer going to place any limitations on myself.
Body: All done?
Brain: All done.
Brain: Flintstone tiptoed a lot for a big dude
Pro Tip : Give the person interviewing you “something to remember” doesn’t means giving them a bite mark.
*Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt*
I’ll have whatever is the most splattery and red
You should never laminate your kill list.
Who called it “asking for sex” and not “pitchfork”
If your cat is your “child,” I bet its “grandparents” are “sad”