Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby
All right stop, Collaborate and listen
This frozen baby needs to see a physician
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[the beeping to remind me to put on my seatbelt finally gives up]
*looks at driving test instructor*
The coolest thing about dating Mystique from the X-men is the unlimited free food samples she can get for you at Costco.
Old cordless phones, for when you really need to be on the phone, but also need to sword fight the cat.
“oh no, this is so scary or whatever lol”
-giraffe in quicksand
Ask everyone if they’ve seen it.
Tear your car and house apart.
Drive all over the city retracing your steps.
Cancel credit and debit cards.
Find your wallet under a piece of paper on the nightstand.
Blame the dog
My neighbor shouldn’t put up a fake graveyard for Halloween if she doesn’t want me getting drunk and performing Thriller every night at 2AM.
Social distancing requires a good supply of air horns.
Grandma confused about Tide Pods “kids these days eating those podcasts”….
Do not treat your woman like an object. It hates that.