@plank_sinatra

My parents are pretty middle aged.
“So? That’s pretty norm-”
*two knights bust in*
“CHILD, DOST THOU REQUEST REFRESHMENTS FROM THE TAVERN?”

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@iGreenMonk

To Do List :
1: Buy 4 Pigs
2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs
3: Release them in Wal-Mart
4: Sit back watch Security search for #4

@Holy_Mowgli

baby dragon [lifting up a terrified medieval knight]: my dinner is cold

mommy dragon: just blow on it, dear

@LuvPug

If Snickers really wanted to satisfy me, it’d be like 8 inches long

@mjkspeaks

[shopping]

May I help you find something?

“Where are the giants?“

What?

“Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“

@sarcasticmommy4

Family dinners are fun because we start out as a family of 6 & then after everyone gets in trouble for acting up it’s a dinner for two.

@Midgetspar

I’ll grow my beard out just so I can knock on a strangers door & whisper, “I’m here to pick your kid up for prom. Either one. I don’t care.”

@iamspacegirl

My son loves lizard facts but he can’t quite say ‘lizard’ so he randomly makes statements like “Wizards protect themselves with camouflage”.

@difficultpatty

Met a friend from Twitter in real life and didn’t get murdered. Take that, Mom.