the things my dad sends my mom 😭😂
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Until my sneezes have time to figure out their beliefs, please stop blessing them.
Rocket Man vs. Rockhead Man. An epic battle of two Superzeros.
THERAPIST: what brings you in today?
ME: sharks lack the ability to hug.
THERAPIST: *starts to cry*
They say you should play dead if a bear attacks you. That shouldn’t be that hard once he snaps your torso in half.
My kids trying to pick up the name brand hamburger buns like they think we are millionaires or something
Whoever named the ewe really didn’t like female sheep
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
“Omelet you finish.”
– Kanyegg West
Finally; someone explained Bitcoin in a way I can understand