@JeffMyspace: Why is it called “getting ghosted” when ghosts whole thing is sticking around too long
@gruffybeard: Me: *walking through office with a big smile on my face*
Coworker: Wow, you sure do have a lot of pep in your step today! You get lucky last night?
[Flashback to that morning when I found 3 Doritos in my robe pocket getting out of shower]
Me: Yes.
@nthonyswan: Are rhetorical questions really necessary?
@jasonroeder: Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That's what they want you to think," say, "No, but that's what they wanted you to tell me."
@JillianKarger: “Oh wow, I don’t even recognize myself!”
-Lois Lane getting fitted for glasses
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