@JeffMyspace: Why is it called “getting ghosted” when ghosts whole thing is sticking around too long

@gruffybeard: Me: *walking through office with a big smile on my face* Coworker: Wow, you sure do have a lot of pep in your step today! You get lucky last night? [Flashback to that morning when I found 3 Doritos in my robe pocket getting out of shower] Me: Yes.

@nthonyswan: Are rhetorical questions really necessary?

@jasonroeder: Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That's what they want you to think," say, "No, but that's what they wanted you to tell me."

@JillianKarger: “Oh wow, I don’t even recognize myself!” -Lois Lane getting fitted for glasses