@Birdhumms: My phone keeps sending me a message telling me moisture has been detected in my usb port, I think it might be flirting with me
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@: New neighbor came over and said "I'm required by state law to introduce myself." Odd pickup line, but guess who has a date tonight, guys!
@mompsychologist: 6yo has two pregnant Barbies and one Ken doll. You could cut the tension in the Barbie camper with a tiny stiletto.
@hashtag_stacks: I always watch The Shining with family around Christmas time to remind them what happens if we spend too much time together.