@TheReal_AndyMac

My phone will never let me forget the day I texted “hahajaha”.

You Might Also Like

@ashley_barnhill

My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.

@AnkCoupleTO

I’m trying to convince this guy that ‘jesus is the reason for the season’ but loansharks have a different perspective

@Ygrene

[seeing a skyscraper with all the lights on]
oh man the dad of that building is gonna be mad

@quarantinerules

New social distancing rules: you may go on walks with loved ones but they must remain 6 feet behind you and if you turn around to look at them, they will stay in the underworld forever

@CheryeDavis

I’m just a girl sitting here wondering which outfit I own goes best with bad decisions…

@HenpeckedHal

Soaking the dishes overnight, or as I like to call it, “not doing the dishes.”

@jlock17

My ancestors didn’t walk out of the jungle, cross continents, interbreed with at least two other types of hominids, survive wars and plagues and cross an ocean for me to have to eat an untoasted bagel.

@PayMeInTacos

Rent should be due every 90 days, every 30 is dramatic. Let’s riot.

@GaryJanetti

Thinking of adopting a child. What color should I get? Keep in mind my walls are eggshell and cinnamon.