Even the great philosophers made mistakes. Aristotle, for example, believed that groove was in the brain.
my Playstation got stolen… i have no one to console me.
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Co-worker had a meltdown over someone having a b-day cake. Said since she has no willpower, stop bringing cake in. Tonight, baking cookies.
boss: teamwork is very important
boss: not like that
[my cell phone rings]
ME (a person who pays a monthly fee to allow this): Ugh why is this happening
“So You’ve Been Drinking and You Think You Can Dance?”
That is definitely a reality show I would watch.
WIFE: He has become extremely cold and distant.
HUSBAND (via skype, from an arctic research base): Not true.
her: this is weird
me: [dressed as lumiere from beauty and the beast] say “i’ve been burned by you before”
her: [dressed as the feather duster] no
If poison expires is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
A good woman is like home WiFi: Full of knowledge. Always there for you. Used by your roommate WHEN YOU’RE NOT THERE THAT’S RIGHT AMY I KNOW
I will always try to sound smarter & make up words when talking to my doctor, like “pain in the crotchal area” or “difficulty extendilating my arms.”