@itsWillyFerrell

My poem: I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig.
It’s not a very good poem, but it’s very deep.

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@WilliamAder

Hung my Christmas lights on the house across the street so I can see them.

@inigoomontoya

I hate when I miss the garbage truck and just have to throw trash in the neighbors hot tub again

@UnFitz

Her: You ate that entire bag of fried cheese snacks?
Him: Thought you said they were baked.
Her: I said YOU were baked.

@seamusmckracken

Make sure your first place together is on the ground floor, so when she throws your stuff out the window, it won’t break.

@chadchaines

“I just can’t wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house.”
-Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning

@junejuly12

*gleefully prepares egg salad sandwiches for milestone birthday party of office nemesis*

@realHamOnWry

Mom: If your friends jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?

Me: Of course…we have free healthcare.

#Canada150th