@boozemunkee: My preferred mode of travel is sock sliding.
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@HomeProbably: My kid brother used to have a lazy eye and had to wear an eye patch. My whole body is lazy so I'm wearing my couch.
@Trustedshoe: Trainer: Run a mile on the track at your own pace. Me: Okay. *starts running* *halley’s comet goes by* *trainer dies of old age* *halley’s comet passes again* *the sun dies* *final episode of the simpsons airs* Me(almost halfway done): Halfway there!
@LoveNLunchmeat: I've been Catholic for years and still have no idea which murders I should confess and which I should keep to myself.
@HeidiCF8: I'm going to write "I miss you" on a rock. Then throw it at your face. I just want you to know how much it hurts..