@birbigs

My rap name is “NO PLANZ.”

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@GrumpyBahr

Just ate at a Japanese restaurant and the entire staff was Hispanic. I don’t know what is real anymore!

@LoveNLunchmeat

People judge public housing, but it’s cheap and your neighbors sell you drugs so I’m not sure I see the problem…

@Sarcasticsapien

So many people are worried that The Walking Dead could happen and I’m over here terrified that Idiocracy is actually happening.

@ShortSleeveSuit

I pronounce it liberry but I also call them bo-oks so people have a choice on which one makes them angrier

@elle91

Imagine a baby named Edith. Exactly, you can’t because everyone named Edith quietly emerged from the woods at age 78 knitting an incredibly complicated afghan.

@sarcasticmommy4

I annoyed my kids so bad they told ME to go to bed.

So it looks like this parenting thing has come full circle.

@TheBoydP

19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked “can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?”

*making screwdrivers*

@gorrdano

Sorry, I’m using all 43 grocery carts. Use a basket.

@Gre_Gone

Pancakes are just crepes who let themselves go after college.

@danielvisme

Her: I just read this really funny thing on FB.

Me: No you didn’t.