My favorite letter is elamenopee.
my reaction to stepping in dog shit is identical to me logging onto facebook…
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Men, if you want to impress her, send pix of your loads
~ dishwashers, perves
A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn’t scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.
I think Titanic is fake because, how do they record it when they are all dieing in the water?
“Take one pill on an empty stomach”
Me: What’s an empty stomach?
My birthstone is a sushi roll.
If corporations are people then that’s really gross because we walk inside of them all the time.
[Stranded after plane crash]
Me: We need to choose which one of us to eat first
Him: omg this is cray cray
Me: ok that was easy
PROSECUTOR: the defendant robbed 3 stores naked wearing only a teletubby mask
ME: *slams gavel* guilty as charged
Defendant: aren’t you my lawyer?
JUDGE: *missing his gavel* give that back
What do you mean a good old fashioned ribbing has nothing to do with this rack of baby backs?