@mess_of_petals

[My relationship with TV]

There’s nothing on.

*watches nothing for the next six hours.

You Might Also Like

@TheAlexP

Never doubt a Woman with an extensive vocabulary.

@cravin4

No that’s not popcorn popping, it’s just the way my body sounds when I stand up.

@Carbosly

Facebook: I’m happy!
Instagram: I’m pretty!
Vine: I’m artsy!
Pinterest: I’m crafty!
Twitter: I’m lying everywhere but here.

@UnFitz

40% of my vocabulary consists of words that I inventaciously creatified.

@PaperWash

*holds finger up and chews for like 8 minutes after aunt asks me how I’ve been*

@ariscott

I’m at a hockey game and the players weren’t really trying but then a guy 5 rows up yelled “come on” and then they tried harder.

@OutOfLeftField_

I told someone my name and they said, “That’s unusual. You don’t hear that every day.”

Actually, I do.

@Pork_Chop_Hair

If you ever lose me at an estate sale, I can usually be found wrestling some old lady named Edith in the kitchen over a ladle and some tongs. Please don’t intervene. I’ve got this.

@david8hughes

If you see a distressed woman in the mall screaming that she can’t find her baby, don’t offer to help her make another one.