@Elifcello: My resolution this year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos.
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@antoniodelotero: *gets hit by a car* Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?" Me: "Please... I need my... phone" *opens Twitter* Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
@Karate_Horse: my child is amazed when the “shelf elf” is in a different location every morning! duh, I placed it there! except for Wednesday I did not do that, I am completely freaking out
@C00LpenNAME: "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take" Obituary: died of Malaria, Small Pox, Polio, & the flu