I really do love this time of year — the Christmas music, the twinkle lights, the woman in front of me in line at Costco who just told her husband, “We can give your cousin a pile of dog shit for all I care.”
My review of Godzilla vs Kong is the same as for the last four flicks:
NEED LESS HUMAN TALKY TALKY
NEED MORE MONSTER PUNCHY PUNCHY
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My peeves aren’t pets. They’re family.
Had to go out in public so I put on lipstick before I remembered that’s not a thing anymore.
Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.
*points w/ middle finger*
“Sure, take this road for about another mile, pull over & go ask someone else”
– Me giving directions.
[wife replies to text that I found a genie]
dont do a thing im almost home
[she pulls up and the car from the cars movie is in the driveway]
“There are hot Shingles in your area”
– My Doctor
As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose
me: if there are any spirits here, pleasant yourself to us
ghost: bro did you just say pleasant instead of present?
me: oh no
2nd ghost: lmao this idiot said pleasant
3rd ghost: pleasant
4th ghost: pleasant
5th ghost: pleasant