@sirrruh

My secret ingredient is letting somebody else cook.

You Might Also Like

@Sandrahadenough

Hubby: This dinner is not gonna make itself!!!!!

And that ladies and Gentleman is how I starred on “COPS”

@UncleDuke1969

I came home to find that my son had installed the air conditioner in his bedroom window.

I told him, “You did a good job, but it’s actually supposed to go in like this.”

I then proceeded to drop his air conditioner out of the 2nd story window.

There is no moral to this story.

@bad_as_you_want

My boss said , “Dress for the job you want, not the job you have.” Now I’m sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume

@Dawn_M_

I’d rather see a guy with a machete walking towards me than someone with a clipboard.

@ItsAndyRyan

Whoever discovered cows must have been annoyed that the name ‘moose’ was already taken.

@laureneoneal

Why doesn’t anyone invite copyeditors to parties when we’re such cool people out with whom to hang?

@simoncholland

Why would I buy a pumpkin at the store for $5 when I can drive 30 miles & pay to make my kids walk through a field to pick our own for $27.

@CruisinSoozan

If there’s cake in the fridge, the fridge becomes a medicine cabinet.
I don’t make the rules.

@notalogin

Me: You should know I’m alliterate
Her: You mean illiterate?
Me: No, not necessessfully