My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

You Might Also Like


the embarrassment of competing in a rap battle and finding out your opponent is your doctor who does not care about hipaa violations


We’d love to offer you the job
[My phone buzzes] Congrats on your 250? tweet!
ME [leaving]: Lol no thanks I won’t be needing to work anymore


”You will die alone.” I hate fortune cookies. Wait! This is a note from my mom!


When someone says “excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable”, how long are they usually gone? Two days seems like a long time.


Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger’s engagement proves that not only is love blind, it’s also deaf.


“Hey baby, what dat mouff do?”

It eats. It eats a lot. That’s what.


If you see a woman sitting alone eating a kale salad just leave her and her sadness alone


Donald Sterling saying racism is not a problem is like mosquitoes saying malaria is not a problem.


What happens when Batman sees Catwoman? “the Dark Knight Rises”